SHOW vs. TELL Revisited
Time to knit pick:
Sample #1
The conversation was barely begun before I discovered that our host was more than simply a stranger to most of his guests. He was an enigma, a mystery. And this was a crowd that doted on mystery. In the space of no more than five minutes, I heard several different people put forth their theories—all equally probable or preposterous—as to who and what he was. Each theory was argued with the conviction that can only come from a lack of evidence, and it seemed that, for many of the guests, these arguments were the main reason to attend his parties.
What’s wrong with this paragraph?
It tells the story which is a good thing but no dialogue, no specific characters talking or doing stuff. No specific setting. Where is this happening on real time? In other words, give us a scene!
Sample #2 (F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby) --BETTER
“I like to come,” Lucille said. “I never care what I do, so I always have a good time. When I was here last, I tore my gown on a chair, and he asked me my name and address—within a week I got a package from Croirier’s with a new evening gown with it.”
“Did you keep it?” asked Jordan.
“Sure I did. I was going to wear it tonight, but it was too big in the bust and had to be altered. It was gas blue with lavender beads. Two hundred and sixty-five dollars.”
(etc. etc.)
What’s different between Sample 2 and Sample 1?
We’ve got a Scene instead of a sequel/narrative:
-specific characters (Lucille, Jordan, etc.)
-specific setting ie. on real time (even though it’s in 3rd person-past, it’s as if we’re there, watching, participating, judging what’s going on)
-dialogue galore (characters talking, interacting with one another, “verbs”)
*
KNIT PICKING KNIT PICKS:
Readers judging, creating opinions on what’s going on because of character actions, words, and reactions.
What characters are saying.
From reading Lucille’s lines, is she a gold digger? Is she materialistic? (she mentioned the high cost of the gift)
And who is the generous, possibly rich guy who bought her the gown? Do I like her? Do I like Jordan? Do I like the guy they’re talking about?
My take at the moment: Character identification is important. Though we probably don’t have to like all these characters, at least one should interest us.
This scene is also revealing about the mysterious man (Gatsby’s) character because of the way other characters think and talk about him.
In other words, instead of getting the info like a list, it is revealed to us little by little by other characters actions and critiques. (Yes, I repeat the same point over and over again, looking at it from all sides, angles, dimensions etc. until one day poof! It’s integrated. Permanently ;)
Now, jumping a little here (the book suggests we “show why your characters feel the way they do”), let’s see what we can find here… Aha!
Sentence from Sample #2
“There’s something funny about a fellow that’ll do a thing like that,” said the other girl eagerly.
So, instead of saying the girl said eagerly, should I who why the character feels eager? No, according to Self Editing for Fiction Writers, p-17, just drop “eagerly.”
So, no, don’t have to explain that adverb/description. Why?
R.U.E. (Resist the Urge to Explain)
Never describe a character’s emotion. It’s repetitive. Cut the explanation. So, no, she said happily, he said ecstatically, it grew magically, etc. Instead, rewrite the passage to show that it is.
Example: She said happily.
Our goal is to rewrite and show “happily.”
“I go sell you this car for mere three hundred if you lemme an’ my drunken ass alone.”
“That’s fantastic!” she said.
Example: It grew magically.
Our goal is to rewrite and show “grew magically.”
Earle stands, scratching his scruffy neck with a fork. “Yous a city folk. Yous don’t know nothin’ about farmin’.”
“Oh yeah!” Kyra squeezes her fists together, her face growing more and more flushed. “See that plot of land?! I sprinkled it with a canister of seeds and its growing.”
“Well, ain’t that a miracle.”
Hmm, okay, for this one, I wonder if I over did it? And I wonder if putting “her face growing more and more flushed” is telling instead of showing. But then again, the book did say, none of these are hard fast rules. So I’ll have to go with my instinct and make the call on this. It may be easier when I’m revising my manuscript and I have all the info on the scene and plot. Well, okay, try again:
Example: It grew magically.
Our goal is to rewrite and show “grew magically.”
“What?” Mama took me to a corner. “All you did was put banana extract on your scalp and your hair grew out blonde?”
“Yeah, amazing, huh?”
Okay, more direct to the point. More action instead of “mama said”. I wonder what the book will say about that. Well, guess I’ll find out in the following chapter. (I love this book :)
What do I think of flashbacks?
They’re all over Desperate Housewives. Yes, I study the show, its scripts etc. Flashbacks can stop the current flow of action, sure, but, when done well, it makes the scene richer, more beautiful. Ie. One of the episodes started with Susan having trouble with dating, then flashbacks to Susan’s history of unluckiness. It’s done efficiently (quickly), wittily though at the same time informative and gives a better sense of Susan, what she’s been thru so, greater character connection.
Also, well-done flashbacks can be a good mechanism to build suspense. Ie. What’s going to happen next? Oh! This scene’s going so well! Then, a well done/entertaining/informative flashback comes along which can heighten suspense and add a new dimension to the story.
Oh, and turn flashbacks into Scenes instead of a narrative whenever possible. When writing, I’d follow my intuition instead of just following the ridiculous rule of “no flashbacks.” (Of course at the moment, I’m not writing for category romance which has more set boundaries)
Here's an Article by Nancy Kress 3 Tips for Writing Successful Flashbacks
Sample #1
The conversation was barely begun before I discovered that our host was more than simply a stranger to most of his guests. He was an enigma, a mystery. And this was a crowd that doted on mystery. In the space of no more than five minutes, I heard several different people put forth their theories—all equally probable or preposterous—as to who and what he was. Each theory was argued with the conviction that can only come from a lack of evidence, and it seemed that, for many of the guests, these arguments were the main reason to attend his parties.
What’s wrong with this paragraph?
It tells the story which is a good thing but no dialogue, no specific characters talking or doing stuff. No specific setting. Where is this happening on real time? In other words, give us a scene!
Sample #2 (F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby) --BETTER
“I like to come,” Lucille said. “I never care what I do, so I always have a good time. When I was here last, I tore my gown on a chair, and he asked me my name and address—within a week I got a package from Croirier’s with a new evening gown with it.”
“Did you keep it?” asked Jordan.
“Sure I did. I was going to wear it tonight, but it was too big in the bust and had to be altered. It was gas blue with lavender beads. Two hundred and sixty-five dollars.”
(etc. etc.)
What’s different between Sample 2 and Sample 1?
We’ve got a Scene instead of a sequel/narrative:
-specific characters (Lucille, Jordan, etc.)
-specific setting ie. on real time (even though it’s in 3rd person-past, it’s as if we’re there, watching, participating, judging what’s going on)
-dialogue galore (characters talking, interacting with one another, “verbs”)
*
KNIT PICKING KNIT PICKS:
Readers judging, creating opinions on what’s going on because of character actions, words, and reactions.
What characters are saying.
From reading Lucille’s lines, is she a gold digger? Is she materialistic? (she mentioned the high cost of the gift)
And who is the generous, possibly rich guy who bought her the gown? Do I like her? Do I like Jordan? Do I like the guy they’re talking about?
My take at the moment: Character identification is important. Though we probably don’t have to like all these characters, at least one should interest us.
This scene is also revealing about the mysterious man (Gatsby’s) character because of the way other characters think and talk about him.
In other words, instead of getting the info like a list, it is revealed to us little by little by other characters actions and critiques. (Yes, I repeat the same point over and over again, looking at it from all sides, angles, dimensions etc. until one day poof! It’s integrated. Permanently ;)
Now, jumping a little here (the book suggests we “show why your characters feel the way they do”), let’s see what we can find here… Aha!
Sentence from Sample #2
“There’s something funny about a fellow that’ll do a thing like that,” said the other girl eagerly.
So, instead of saying the girl said eagerly, should I who why the character feels eager? No, according to Self Editing for Fiction Writers, p-17, just drop “eagerly.”
So, no, don’t have to explain that adverb/description. Why?
R.U.E. (Resist the Urge to Explain)
Never describe a character’s emotion. It’s repetitive. Cut the explanation. So, no, she said happily, he said ecstatically, it grew magically, etc. Instead, rewrite the passage to show that it is.
Example: She said happily.
Our goal is to rewrite and show “happily.”
“I go sell you this car for mere three hundred if you lemme an’ my drunken ass alone.”
“That’s fantastic!” she said.
Example: It grew magically.
Our goal is to rewrite and show “grew magically.”
Earle stands, scratching his scruffy neck with a fork. “Yous a city folk. Yous don’t know nothin’ about farmin’.”
“Oh yeah!” Kyra squeezes her fists together, her face growing more and more flushed. “See that plot of land?! I sprinkled it with a canister of seeds and its growing.”
“Well, ain’t that a miracle.”
Hmm, okay, for this one, I wonder if I over did it? And I wonder if putting “her face growing more and more flushed” is telling instead of showing. But then again, the book did say, none of these are hard fast rules. So I’ll have to go with my instinct and make the call on this. It may be easier when I’m revising my manuscript and I have all the info on the scene and plot. Well, okay, try again:
Example: It grew magically.
Our goal is to rewrite and show “grew magically.”
“What?” Mama took me to a corner. “All you did was put banana extract on your scalp and your hair grew out blonde?”
“Yeah, amazing, huh?”
Okay, more direct to the point. More action instead of “mama said”. I wonder what the book will say about that. Well, guess I’ll find out in the following chapter. (I love this book :)
What do I think of flashbacks?
They’re all over Desperate Housewives. Yes, I study the show, its scripts etc. Flashbacks can stop the current flow of action, sure, but, when done well, it makes the scene richer, more beautiful. Ie. One of the episodes started with Susan having trouble with dating, then flashbacks to Susan’s history of unluckiness. It’s done efficiently (quickly), wittily though at the same time informative and gives a better sense of Susan, what she’s been thru so, greater character connection.
Also, well-done flashbacks can be a good mechanism to build suspense. Ie. What’s going to happen next? Oh! This scene’s going so well! Then, a well done/entertaining/informative flashback comes along which can heighten suspense and add a new dimension to the story.
Oh, and turn flashbacks into Scenes instead of a narrative whenever possible. When writing, I’d follow my intuition instead of just following the ridiculous rule of “no flashbacks.” (Of course at the moment, I’m not writing for category romance which has more set boundaries)
Here's an Article by Nancy Kress 3 Tips for Writing Successful Flashbacks
posted by Shalla at 9:41 AM
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